Our Sad Fallen Friends

Last year was a life-changing crossroad into humanity yet so incredibly challenging.  I published my book, Becoming the Devil They Fear: A Gay Book of Shadows and thereafter writing many words online about the paranormal, spirituality, horror reviews and all of the love I have experienced in my life.  However, in the midst of my writings, some of the flames within my desire for creativity which glows so bright have unfortunately simmered.  When my illustrator for my book and long time friend hanged himself in his garage, I just couldn't bring myself to write as much.  My emotions of the suicide have not been addressed as much as would be good for me because I've always been the fellow to help others in my life, usually before myself.

I believe that my friend has contacted me from the other side, because before I found out how he left this world, I knew the answer...  The idea of my friend hanging himself in my mind kept repeating until I sat down for dinner with my husband, and one of my deceased friend’s friends who then confirmed my vision…  There were also some Ouija experiences in which my friend told me how "stupid" he was for doing this, but also "I love you guys so much", referring to my husband also.  I know my friend would love for me to move on with my life, I hear his whispers in my heart telling me so, alike the vision I had of how he passed... I hear him telling me, "this was my stupidity, don't dwell on me, move on…"  I've been trying, but the pain in my heart is extreme...  I can talk about all of this with people without shedding a single tear which really frightens me.  How long can all of the emotions stay inside me?

My feelings began to surface when a song was added to the choir I participate in, The Bridge City Chorus, however I didn’t feel comfortable crying in front of the choir.  The song was Angel by Sarah Mclaughlin, and I didn’t go to choir for a couple of weeks after that.  However when I mentioned why I was struggling, the piece was removed out of the kindness of my friends’ hearts.  I am looking forward to the festival we are attending this year.

So, how will I continue my blog since I’ve been having somewhat of a writer’s block since the pain from the suicide started?  One idea is to tackle the issue of suicides, which also can relate to the paranormal.  So many of those who have committed suicide seem to be still among us, in sadness of their grave mistake.  It’s shocking when we realize this, but the fact my friend wishes I will move on with my life is helping me heal.  I need to heal so much more…  Hence this year I have decided that it would helpful to share stories of those who have had similar experiences in the paranormal/witchy Facebook groups I am active in.  Writing is healing, and I’m sure as I edit some of these stories, it will help the friends of those victims heal and me also…

Have you heard from beyond the grave from a friend who committed suicide?  Are you worried they are still roaming this earth in sadness of a mistake they can’t fix?  Or have you experienced comfort that they are with other loved ones and family who have passed?  It is such a mystery to me and while I have experienced some closure, I think it would be healthy for people like you and me to write about our thoughts of our sad fallen friends.

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