On Brian Head Welch Calling Chester Bennington a “Coward”

     In my later years at my Catholic elementary school St. James, I was a huge fan of Korn and Limp Bizkit.  I remember getting into trouble for bringing some of their albums to school in my grade 8 classroom and performing in a duo “air band” performance to Limp Bizkit’s “Rearranged” with a guy who I had a crush on in my class.  I did tell a fellow classmate to make a noise into the mic when the word bullshit was sung, however he forgot… These two bands were my two go to bands when I needed music to vent some emotions and later that summer in the year 2000 I started hearing about a new band similar to Limp Bizkit but with a new style, Linkin Park.

     I recall watching Much Music that summer and there was a short “on the street” bit in which young people were asked if they liked Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park better.  A very high percentage of them said “Linkin Park” and I remember feeling disappointed.  I was the kid who would have said "Limp Bizkit!" because I didn’t care much for Chester Bennington’s vocals, even though today I would have to admit he may have a bit more talent in singing than Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit.  I suppose it was just the style that I enjoyed more of Fred’s voice, especially his buildup to his wonderful screaming.  Today it really doesn’t matter to me that Linkin Park has more fans, because it’s “different strokes for different folks”.  That being said, I find the tragedy of Chester’s suicide a far greater disappointment for his family, friends and fans than I could have ever expressed and my heart goes out to them all.

     There is an even more recent disappointment which I want to express however.  That would be Brian Head Welch of Korn’s comments about Chester’s suicide…

     Firstly, let me say that expressing anger against this situation is in no way professional of Welch.  While I was a really big fan of his band’s work in my past and still listen today, it’s really not going to convince me to defend such a reaction that hurts so many people.  It’s the sort of problematic behavior which I witnessed in conservative churches who ignore psychological facts because they believe their holy book says otherwise.  Welch became a born again Christian years ago and while I support his search for divinity and would never judge him for being Christian, that still does not excuse his bad behaviour.

     I commented on some of his social media posts a few years ago asking him what he thought of “homosexuality” and I received a private message from a woman who worked with him.  She gave me the Wilna Van Beek spiel, which you can read more in depth pieces surrounding that propaganda in my book Becoming the Devil They Fear: A Gay Book of Shadows.  But in a nutshell that it’s okay that I have gay attractions but I just shouldn’t act on them.

     But going back to what I said about psychological facts surrounding the issues on suicide, let’s see what an actual psychologist, Doctor Deborah Serani wrote in an article: 

“…While some may argue that a person who dies by suicide has done so by their own choice, I argue that serious mental illness, in fact, limits choice. Studies of those who have survived their suicide attempt and healed from their depression report being astonished that they ever considered suicide…”

“…Survivors of suicide loss often feel self-blame as if somehow they were responsible for their loved one’s suicide. Many also experience anger and rage against their loved one for abandoning or rejecting them—or disappointment that somehow they were not powerful enough, loved enough or special enough to prevent the suicide…”

     As we can see, Welch’s behavior is highly inappropriate to publicize and I’m left with a thought on how destructive his words are to suicidal individuals.  Some of the thoughts that bring a person to suicide which I have survived in my past are thoughts like “I guess I am just a coward because here I am failing on all purposes in life…”.  The label in itself is a poison to a person in a suicidal mental state and is only said because it makes people who aren’t suicidal feel better about themselves.  The saying “Whatever you have to tell yourself” comes to mind, however we can see how negative that kind of thinking can really be.

     When someone is in this suicidal mental state, they don’t see it as giving up on the people they love…  They see it as though people would be okay if they did leave us, thus feeling worthless to everyone around them.  It’s generally people in their life that failed them, however that’s not to say that they should be blamed.  Sometimes people get busy and have no idea how their loved one is feeling.  Other times the victim seems perfectly fine because he/she has become accustom to hiding their true selves or feelings in life.  Unfortunately people just don’t know the signs either, because it’s such a depressing topic that people don’t want to discuss or learn about.  Or people see certain signs and just don’t take them seriously… Signs such as:

• Excessive sadness or moodiness: Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage. 

• Hopelessness: Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve. 

• Sleep problems. 

• Sudden calmness: Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life. 

• Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed. 

• Changes in personality and/or appearance: A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about his or her personal appearance.

• Dangerous or self-harmful behavior: Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values his or her life. 

• Recent trauma or life crisis: A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems. 

• Making preparations: Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison. 

• Threatening suicide: From 50% to 75% of those considering suicide will give someone -- a friend or relative -- a warning sign. However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously. 

     While I don’t quite agree with Welch’s actions, I’m not exactly infuriated with him.  Many people agree with his words and society still has not caught up with the facts on suicide.  However that really isn't an excuse for why he lashed out in such a way that could trigger suicidal individuals.  I hope next time he has his facts straight...  A better reaction would have been what Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit said:

“I’m sitting here with my brother Cory and we were talking about when Linkin Park played before us on their first ever show in Europe. They came in our dressing rooms and they were clearly both so excited and so shy. [Limp Bizkit guitarist] Wes [Borland], myself and my brother went and watched their show and doused them in champagne after their performance to congratulate them.

I remember seeing them on the side of the stage and as were performing, I was thinking to myself, “Chester’s voice is going to blow these kids the f— up.” It was a great moment and I’m happy now to have had it.

I can say so many wonderful things about the Chester I knew. He had a way of making anyone he spoke to feel heard, understood and significant. His aura and spirit were contagious and empowering. Often those types of people have so much pain and torture inside that the last thing they want is to contaminate or break the spirit of others.

He would go out of his way to make sure you knew he truly cares. As real and transparent as our conversations would be, he was always the one projecting light on the shadows. In my last conversation with him, he was holding his two cute puppies and giving me the most selfless and motivational compliments in regards to Limp Bizkit and myself and thanking me for paving the path for bands like Linkin Park.

In return, I told him if it weren’t for him and his voice and his words, this genre would never have reached the masses and affected so many lives. I thanked him for being so courageous and humble and for always being such a gentleman. We laughed and hugged and told jokes as if there would always be a tomorrow for us to meet again.

I want to hug him now and let him know that we all experience our own pain and deal with it our own ways. I know his torture is unique to him, but I would always be here to listen and help in any way I can. But I won’t get that hug and that moment now, which makes me so sad.

     Durst has not embraced his spiritual views like Welch has but as we can see, Durst’s comments are far more positive and healthy.  People need to hear these kinds of words, and less name calling to make people like Welch feel better about themselves…

     May the young fans of Chester Bennington and the rest of Linkin Park continue to rock out to their music, like I did with Limp Bizkit and Korn way back in elementary school and sometimes today.

Sources:

Deborah Serani Psy.D.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression/201311/understanding-survivors-suicide-loss

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/recognizing-suicidal-behavior#1

http://variety.com/2017/music/news/fred-durst-chester-bennington-limp-bizkit-linkin-park-1202505207/